Shopping at Sears Can Be Embarrassing

Yes, it’s been months since my last blog, but know this, I have had many things happen - good, bad, and not so bad. I had to share this story that happened to me at Sears.

Part I
So, I was shopping at Sears. I’ll be honest, I usually don’t shop at Sears. It’s just not convenient to where I live and , well, we parted ways several years ago when I discovered Target and Old Navy. But, I happened to have some free time on my hands, and went shopping and found myself wandering from the food court to Sears. They were having an unbelievable clearance sale. Plus, they had some pretty cute stuff. Unfortunately, every woman in the area already knew this because they were all there at the same time. I just grabbed as many items that I thought I liked and checked out.

Once I got home, I evaluated my purchases and found a handful of things that didn’t work out. I put them back in the Sears sack and put the sack at the top of my stairs so I wouldn’t forget to take it with when I traveled back to the mall.

Part II
OK, this part is a little bit...well...something that women really find funny but men usually don’t. But, the story would not be complete if I omitted this part. My five year old and his friend got into my tampons. They were using them as rockets. Pink applicators covered the floor, while the white innards were found in various places. I quickly picked up the impromptu rockets and put them in a garbage sack.

Part III
Marlowe took out the trash, including my Sears sack. I chided him, as we were late leaving for the mall. He quickly retrieved the Sears sack and off we went. Then the horror began.

I stood in line to do my returns. A nice lady from India was helping me. I took out my receipt and said, “I have some returns”. Then I dumped out the contents of the bag onto the counter and to my horror a few pink tampon applicators along with a partially smashed diet coke can came out with the clothes. You know that scene in movies when everything is in slow motion and someone’s distorted voice is saying, “Nooooooooooo”. That’s how I felt.

I quickly put my hands on the foreign objects and scooped them up, all while maintaining strict eye contact with the sales associate. I felt that if I penetrated her eyes with my fierce stare, she wouldn’t dare look at the counter. I quickly stuffed the pink applicators into the diet coke can and then slipped it into my purse. I finished the transaction and fled like at bandit.

When I found Marlowe, I held up the diet coke can and rattled it. I said, “Listen to this. Do you know what that sound is? That sound is what fell onto the counter and Sears!” We had a laugh.

In the process of taking the trash out, Marlowe grabbed the garbage out of the boys room and threw it in the Sears sack thinking it was a garbage bag. The diet coke can was just a bonus from the sack being tossed into the outside garbage can.

It may be a while before I go back to Sears. Online shopping is much less embarassing.

Syrup can spoil your favorite flats

In my world, I seem to have a bizarre magnet attached to me. Or at least I see things in an unusual way. But maybe not, perhaps we all have odd things happen to us. Some of us tune them out while others blow them out of proportion. I think I call them how they are, so I would like to start sharing some of my odd experiences with you. Actually, you need not be afraid because most of my stories involve humorous situations,

Let me start out with the most recent event. On March 9, 2008 I went to the store. The store is a magical place to attract odd events and people. This trip to the store went smooth. Then I had to get syrup.

I walked down the isle and started eyeballing the syrup. I was debating on whether or not to splurge on Mrs. Buttersworths or just go for Western Family. I decided to purchase Log Cabin because I just didn’t trust Western Family and Mrs. Buttersworths reminds me too much of my own figure so I didn’t want her. I reached for my choice and knocked over a giant bottle of Western Family syrup from the shelf. It came hurtling down and landed in such a way as to cause a great explosion of syrup that went mostly in my left shoe and up my leg. I was so shocked. I thought to myself, “Am I really standing in the middle of the isle with syrup in my shoe.”

The answer was YES! I wasn’t sure what to do, due to the massive amount of syrup my foot was swimming in. Why did I choose to wear flats. Why didn't I wear one of my 16 pairs of boots. They repel things so well - isn't that why cowboys and hookers wear them - to deflect unwanted things? None the less, I sloshed up the isle until I found an employee to help me. He was so understanding but a bit shocked by the presence of syrup oozing out of my shoe. He offered me a towel but I said I just need a bathroom.

I squished my way through the store to the bathroom, leaving a trail of sticky syrup that rivaled Hansel and Gretel. I hiked my leg up to the industrial sink and started rinsing my shoe out. Then I washed my foot. The pink soap didn’t work very well removing the syrup remnants. But enough was removed so that I could return to my cart and check out with some sort of dignity. I drove home and my car started to smell like IHOP.

Why does this always happen to me? Honestly, I haven’t had a weird experience for a while so I suspect that I have some coming down the pipeline. So I am telling myself to be prepared and to keep an open mind and retain a sense of humor.


-JaNeanne Dazley